Fresh perspectives on life ...

How you do one thing is how you do everything.

So .. I’ve been writing this post for a LONG time ..  almost a year.  I’ve written many posts but not finished or published them .. lost in the bubble of confusion that has dominated my whole life.  

This is the post where I start to turn my old pattern of overthinking and hesitation around.  

This blog started as my ‘vehicle for clarity’ – my space for practicing getting my thoughts clear, and sharing them with the world – two challenges I had struggled with my whole life.  It was my space for feeling a sense of my life evolving.  But in an attempt to really shift my old ways and turn things around, I spent the past year ’embracing the thrash’, diving deep into the chaos and confusion of my mind and feelings, with the hope and trust that I will come out the other end with more clarity and confidence.  Plus life threw me a few curve balls that challenged deep fears around losing myself as I got sucked into other people’s chaos and went into overwhelm and avoidance as a result.  But finally I’m showing up here, messily and imperfectly, boldly determined to turn my life around.

One of my huge challenges around writing is that I want to work out what I think and what I want to say before saying something.  But it is by saying something, even the ‘wrong’ thing, that I can get clarity on what I think.  When I don’t speak up, I get stuck in an oppressive overwhelm of thoughts, which then stops me from speaking up.  So I need to let go of the fear of saying something stupid, and just say something.

But before I get too hard on myself around my NOT speaking up, I will acknowledge that my not showing up here this year has felt like an act of self protection and of ‘buying time’ to get my thoughts straight.  I’ve spent a lot of the past year reading (especially psychology literature), doing courses (business, writing, enneagram etc), working in a completely new industry (as a carer in an aged care home), and preparing for my ‘new life’.  I’ve been making dogged progress on my business (but stuck around the publicity and money aspects) and am more determined than ever to finally make it work.

Life path – clarity and completion ..

I started this year with a ‘space clearing ceremony’ in my house.  I had been waiting to do this for YEARS – but never felt ready as there was always something to do first.  Finally, after much clearing and despite still having a massive excess of clutter, the house was ‘clear enough’ for this massive milestone to be achieved.

Action is the antidote to despair.

Prior to doing the space clearing I did a feng shui analysis of my house and came up with affirmations for each of the 9 parts of my house / areas of life.  I could write a whole blog post on that process and those affirmations, but I will share one area of the house I intend to focus on this year.  The ‘lobby’ is a space in my house that is a transition zone between the main part of the house and the bathroom.  This space also contains the laundry and stairs leading down a workshop space.  South facing (in the southern hemisphere) this space represents career and life path.  It has been in a state of incompletion for years, often filled with overflowing clutter, not to mentioned dust, spiders webs and mould.  But the space is now clear and a good clean and a few coats of paint will mean this space can be completed without a huge amount of outlay.  Given that my career and life path are what need attention in order for me to feel clarity and purpose in my life, this space is on my agenda for this year.  The affirmation I have created for this space is

 “I move forward with ease and joy, fulfilling my purpose”.

Transforming how I relate to people

A very old pattern that has had a huge impact in terms of hindering progress on my business and life has been my tendency toward extreme self-sufficiency.  This has been a strategy for avoiding people which is a pattern I developed as a form of Self protection in early childhood.  Taking almost endless solitary time to contemplate and understand things is what I’ve seen as my blissful state, and relating with people has tended to stir up my anxieties and interrupted my sense of peace, and so I have tended to avoid social interactions.  But I am finally challenging many of my limiting beliefs and seeing the origin of some of my unhealthy patterns of avoidance.  I’ve come to see my avoidance of people has come from the desire to escape the pain of disconnection, as well as from an over-developed sense of obligation which had me feeling trapped, and from feelings of hyper vigilance which are very exhausting.  I have also tended to lose my sense of Self, getting caught up in tuning into and trying to understand other people’s feelings and thoughts while losing touch with my own.  The feeling of being lost, of desperately trying to understand what is perhaps beyond understanding, of hesitation, wonder, and never-ending exploration has been part of what has driven me into action, but also has had me going round in circles, lost and despairing, taking forever to do anything.  

But, as I write, I am moving toward a resting place where I can release this incessant search and settle with exactly what is.  I am in the process of changing my experience of being with people to one that invites the joy of connection and the freedom of self expression while being grounded in my own being.  

INSPIRED

My (first) word for the year took a while to emerge.  Immersed in the creation of a book – ‘Your Word Guide’, I was searching for a word that could inspire and support me as I move through this year.  I was thinking of the word ‘inspire’ – but it felt like something I had to do and for that reason did not feel right.  INSPIRED feels more like a state of being.  It reminds me to breathe, be present, and take action without thinking.  It brings me into contact with my heart and body, after a lifetime of holding my breath and holding back.  INSPIRED can feel as simple and being present, or as lofty as being supported by a divine spirit force.  

Random Idea

I come up with too many ideas to execute and get caught in the overwhelm of so many things I need to do to push ahead the projects in my life.  These projects, typically, have been so many and varied that they occupy every spare bit of time that I have.  Since they have been my primary focus they have also negated the need or desire for any sort of a social life.  So perhaps having innumerable projects on the go has been one of my strategies for avoiding people – not to mention endless exploring and never finishing anything.

The creation and setting up of my business, Artistry in Play, is one of my major projects begun about five years ago.  I created this business as a way of supporting myself financially while making self directed projects my living, rather than cramming them into the limited free time when I’m not working for other people.

The random idea, which preceded the train of thought which follows, was this: To select random entries from my 29 years of journals and find stories and lessons and patterns and examples of transformation.  But the truth is that I already have way too many projects on the go and I need to be eliminating, or putting on ice, many of my current projects in order to FOCUS (my second word for the year).

Story time

My lifetime obsession with projects includes an obsession with studying, learning and doing courses.  I have tended to not only have multiple projects on the go at any one time, but also multiple courses.  There has probably never been a time when I wasn’t studying something.  Curiosity is both my strength and my weakness.  It makes life interesting, but has lead to a state of mental clutter, lack of focus, and overwhelm.  And perhaps this brings me to the WHY of my life – I am on a mission to understand life and the world.  The feeling of learning, getting clarity, and evolving is my form of bliss and the thing that drives me forward.

My latest ‘course’ was a 5 day challenge around story writing with a fun and sassy entrepreneur, Jamie Jensen of Your Hot Copy.  Jamie runs a course called Story School (which I want to do), and her 5 day ‘Get Your Story Straight’ challenge was an introduction to the story arc which broke stories, or the ‘hero’s journey’, down into five parts:

The DESIRE, The CHALLENGE, The TWIST, The SHIFT, and The TAKEAWAY.

Telling stories, or really expressing myself in any way, has always been a weakness.  Instead of helping the listener understand something, I tend to leave them (and myself) more confused by losing track of where I’m going and branching off on random tangents.  So the story structure is something that really inspires and fascinates me and feels important for me to study in order for me to find clarity and share whatever I have to say.  I have plenty of stories to tell but have always tended to leave storytelling to those who do it better than me.  But given that my dream is to be a writer, and one of the things I most love doing is writing, I intend to start developing my storytelling skills through this blog.

The DESIRE

My desire has been to experience clarity .. or as stated above, to understand life and the world.  My approach zhas been to be constantly learning, studying and researching.

The CHALLENGE

In my process of seeking clarity, through constant study and exploration, and lifetime of courses and projects, I have continued to find more and more that I don’t know.  After 47 or so years of this I amassed thousands of books, hundreds of courses, and still found myself in the familiar space of confusion and overwhelm, with books and materials (for and from all my projects) adding to my overwhelm.  On top of this, as an extra solution to overwhelm, I had developed a tendency to avoid people (who I felt added to my overwhelm), and ran ideas around in my head in maddening unproductive circles.  Trying to do everything on my own was my worn out blueprint that was stopping me from getting the help I needed.  I had attempted a complete avoidance and rejection of ‘society’ and of conforming in any way.  This included money – which to me represented a hook or a trap of society.  I was almost prepared to starve rather than be drawn into the servitude that money represented.  Sectioning myself off from the world, keeping as much distance as possible from people, and minimising emotional involvement became my strategy for managing my energy which was overly affected by my experience of people as demanding more of me than I had in me to give.  Perhaps I was a ‘highly sensitive person’ – though I actually felt like I was quite tough.  In avoiding the impact of people I was able to do lots of ‘tough’ things – like solo adventures of all types all over the world, and martial arts to protect myself, and braving the world on my own.  But though I had done all sorts of brave things like backpacking into the wilderness, or motorbiking around Australia, or wandering around cities all over the world late at night, or sleeping in parks and train stations, and on and on – the thing I wasn’t brave enough to do was to risk emotional vulnerability.  In fact, I had suppressed my feelings to such an extent I hardly even realised I had any.  My solo adventures were like an armour against emotional vulnerability and I was a master at hiding out and disappearing.  But I have come to see that my hugest fear has been around self expression.  My avoidance meant I did not have to take a stand on anything, or to risk making a fool of myself or being misunderstood.  By not showing up I could avoid being captured and trapped.  I could feel free .. but at what cost.

My childhood blueprint had me feel like I would drown if I didn’t protect myself from the insatiable needs of others.  So I desire to be wild and free and unencumbered by the demands and expectations of society.  I wanted to be free to be myself rather than what someone else told me I should be.  I would work just enough to survive in order to spend the rest of the time doing what I wanted – which was generally a course or project of my choosing.

After getting trapped in a job for eleven years that started with lots of freedom and ended by becoming almost my full responsibility (after I partnered with the boss and he became too sick to work), and with lots of stress and little reward, I vowed to start my own business, to work from home, for myself, doing work that inspired me.  

It has been over five years since I started Artistry in Play – embarked on as a major life project for using my skills, aligned with my values, and part of finding a sense of purpose in my life.  At first I was in my element – starting something fresh, on a steep learning curve, journeying to understand myself and my purpose more clearly.  I had embarked on another journey of exploring many new ideas, and escaping on yet another solo adventure.  But there was a problem .. I didn’t seem to be moving forward productively in terms of this being a business, because I was still in avoidance of the two things that business is centred around – people and money.  

The TWIST

The twist was the realisation that my avoidance of people and trying to live inside my head was what was stopping me from moving forward.  This realisation came, most particularly, thanks to my discovery of the Enneagram, which shined a light on the patterns holding me back.  It showed me that I had to stop thinking and move into action (obvious I know but not so easy to do).  It is over three years since that clarity helped me to see another way, and the journey since has been far from straightforward.  

    

The SHIFT

My shift, in response to my realisation that I was completely stuck in a rut of overthinking and inaction, was taking action in different ways.  Writing this blog has been a huge part in my journey forward .. of practicing expressing my thoughts in a public space and getting more comfortable with the vulnerability of that – and of putting thoughts out that are messy and incomplete, rather than waiting until I have everything figured out before doing or saying anything.  Also proposing a large piece for Sculpture by the Sea which I’ve had accepted by two separate panels for the 2017 exhibition – but which I am still yet to create (since it is a massive undertaking).  And thirdly in setting up a mastermind group to help me to speak up and share my plans and get support and accountability.  

The TAKEAWAY

My message, at this moment, to bring this story full circle, is this:

Words can set you free  (Words create our world)

 

Story summary

The DESIRE – To experience clarity

The CHALLENGE – I felt the only way I could experience clarity was being on my own and trying to work out my thoughts alone

The TWIST – realising that my avoidance of people and running ideas around and around in my head in the search for clarity was in fact the thing that was holding me back.

THE SHIFT – I started to share my thoughts.  I completed applications to share my work (and had some accepted).  I created a mastermind group.  I started to open up more.  I started taking action out in the world.

The TAKEAWAY – Words create our world, words can set us free, the journey continues…

 

Reminders to self

Keep on writing and publishing rather than getting stuck in the thinking process

Stop worrying about what (I think) other people think

Stay in contact with people

Connect to my feelings and allow them to guide me

Set deadlines

Take action

Ask for feedback

Keep moving forward

 

Endnotes

This blog post, in which I’ve tried to unravel my year of not writing, to explore my journey with Artistry in Play, and to explain my experience of the world – probably shows pretty well how I over-complicate things and shows the messiness of my mind.  It also shows how reluctant I am to throw away / dismiss anything which is a big part of my challenge in my quest for clarity.  

I am including these endnotes with the intention that this post can mark the line in the sand between my cluttered thinking and a more clear, ordered and streamlined way of expressing myself (which is the goal of the story structure after all).  

The MAGICAL GUIDE

The hero’s journey often refers to a guide or mentor which shows the way.  This would have to be the Enneagram. As I learnt about the Enneagram I felt like I had finally discovered the meaning of life.  The Enneagram is a model or structure that explains why people react, relate and experience the world as they do.  The Enneagram helped me to understand and shift the way I understood and experienced the world in quite a mind-blowing way (a very type 5 response perhaps).  It showed me the framework I had been using to understand the world and showed me how what I felt was a very open-minded approach was in fact a cage.  It also showed me the keys for getting out of my cage.

Stuck in Point 5

I spent a lot of time in my cage over the past year, retreating to my comfort zone by keeping to myself as much as possible. Reaching out and supporting people is something I have tended to see as my duty and I have been wracked with a lot of guilt over not doing so – although since I started work as a carer in a nursing home I think I felt like this in itself took so much from me that I had little left to give.  I have preserved the little time when I wasn’t working or managing the household to dealing with my overwhelm of projects and stuff – and in particularly with preparing the public launch of my Circles of Life rings project which I have seen as the contribution I want to make to both help others AND myself.

Stepping into Point 3

Part of the new framework that I’ve been preparing to step into is of being visible, expressing myself, shining my light and claiming my value.  My retreating over the past year has been my fear reaction to this transformation, and my desire for more time and more clarity BEFORE I fully step into this more expressive, open and in action way of being.  In a typical stalling tactic, I have been (and still am) in the process of clarifying my purpose, my message, my brand, my product and my vision.  My mission is to help people to take responsibility for their lives and experience the freedom that this gives.

My nursing home work has helped me reenter the world, throwing me into the thick of life in many ways.  Though it is the opposite to what I have been striving towards for so long – to work from home, for myself, doing work that inspires people to evolve – it is perhaps part of my own evolution, as I am working closely with people, in a very intimate way, doing what I can to help them, and making money in the process.  

A closing declaration

I would like to declare, for my own sake, that from here on I will offer up real stories – not just the messy clutter of my mind – as a way of sharing in a more fun and inspirational way.  If you have read this to the end, thank you for your time and I will aim to be more respectful of it from now on.

With gratitude,

Charmaine

 

A transitional time

The past nine weeks have been a powerfully transitional time for me .. and partly thanks to the input of a number of books and different perspectives on life.

Though I’ve always been a big reader in terms of finding information on topics that interest me, I haven’t been a big reader of non-fiction, or even a big finisher of books.  Instead I have tended to be constantly dabbling in piles of non-fiction, all in an effort to achieve greater clarity.  My ‘type 5’ sense of “not enough” has meant I’ve never felt I had time to fit ‘reading for pleasure’ into my already overpacked agenda of projects and explorations.  Also, I’ve tended to live in a state of overwhelm that had me seeking to limit input rather than add to it.

An experiment

Then nine weeks ago, a friend lent me his Kindle.  There was a book on it which I wanted to read, and he had been suggesting for ages that I get a Kindle to deal with my ‘book problem’ – which was the 3000+ books in my house that had been having a weighing down and smothering effect on me and had me living in a state of constant overwhelm.  He was convinced I needed to clear away all the books and instead get them on Kindle.

A clear answer

Well, I read the first book with relish.  And it turned out there were a number of books on the Kindle I wanted to read.  So when I finished the first I found another to read.  Then another.  And another.  And another.  I have been in some sort of literary heaven with every book I’ve read profoundly moving and inspiring me.  I have even felt my whole approach to life clarified, challenged and opened up in this dive into the world of literature.  And I am reinspired to tell my own story, in my own way.

The book I most recently finished was ‘An Abbreviated Life’ by Ariel Leve, telling the story of her childhood and how it has impacted her.  I heard a snippet of Ariel talking on Radio National in a broadcast from the Writer’s Festival in Bali.  The topic, childhood trauma, is one I’m currently fascinated with.  Ariel’s story expresses beautifully many thoughts and feelings I understand.  At the end of the book Ariel writes: “We tell our stories to be heard.  Sometimes those stories free us.  Sometimes they free others.  When they are not told, they free no one.”  What a great call to action!

The book I read prior to Ariel’s, and in doing so lost myself in a day of relaxation and laughter, was Graeme Simsion’s ‘The Rosie Project’.  I knew nothing about this book except that I’d seen it in a bookshop and been curious about it.  As a Project Person myself I had so many chuckles of recognition and perhaps developed a greater softness for myself in the process.  I don’t have Aspergers, but my lifetime experience of cutting off from emotions has meant that I have shared many of the attitudes, beliefs and lifestyle choices that the protagonist in the story, Don, displayed.  The very rational, ‘head based’ outlook of Don, has served me well in my mostly solitary existence, but has caused meltdowns and a consequent lack of action when it comes to decision making and relating to people.  I have been very cut off from intuition and have tended to escape into my head rather than experiencing the fullness of life.  Interestingly, when I just started to reread the book, only ten days after finishing it, my experience was completely different.  I felt like I was reading it from more of an outside perspective .. studying it rather than being absorbed in it.  But still enjoying it.

Prior to ‘The Rosie Project’ I read a book that featured in the first ever blog on this website and so had been on my radar for over two years – ‘Chasing the Scream – The First and Last Days of the War on Drugs’ by Johann Hari.  I originally heard about this book from an article by the same author in the Huffington post.  This book was a total eye-opener and made clear to me a shift that is needed on our planet to bring things back into alignment.  This shift is away from fear and towards love .. away from disconnection and towards connection .. away from despair and towards hope .. away from a downward spiral of destruction and towards an upward spiral of love, acceptance and peace.  This shift requires the dismantling of the ‘war on drugs’ and the creation of avenues for healing.  I feel like my mission has become much clearer.

It feels strange to be working backwards with these books I’ve been reading .. but perhaps that is part of the deconstruction.  I saw the film based on the book ‘Wild’ by Cheryl Strayed, and enjoyed it but wasn’t overly amazed or impressed.  But reading the book I experienced a totally different perspective.  I enjoyed and resonated with the experiences and challenges of solo adventuring, but was also in awe at Cheryl’s openness and vulnerability with people.  That has never been my strength.  For me, going solo has really been taking the easy route.  It has it’s challenges, but opening up to and relating to people isn’t one of them.  I admired the vulnerability in sharing of details of her experience, and I noticed an awareness and awakening to the possibilities of connecting with people thanks to this book.  My solitude has served me well, but it isn’t a state I want to get stuck in.  Essentially, I felt like this book gave me insight into a different perspective on life and helped break down some rigid thinking that has had me stuck.  I was also inspired, in reading this book, by the quality of storytelling, and the meaningful arc of the story .. evident in the title of the book ‘a journey from lost to found’.  I am keen to dive into story structure in order to tell my own story in such a way that I can both create and discover clarity.

And finally, the book that started this whole journey, the one I borrowed the Kindle to read, ‘The Course of Love’ by Alain de Botton.  I loved this book.  In fact, I loved all these books.  It’s like, after holding myself back from this ‘indulgence’, I fully indulged and discovered what I’d been missing out on.  ‘The Course of Love’ is a love story and psychology guide combined.  Since I’ve been quite obsessed with the study of psychology for some time, this book was like the gateway that led to me diving into the fiction and non-fiction that followed.

Deconstruction

I guess I could go into a lot more depth in analysing my life according to these books .. but I will sum up to say that, through these five books, I have felt love, joy, connection, purpose, validation, clarity, inspiration and hope.  And I’ve come to some appreciation of how I have deprived myself in my shut down and avoidant approach to some aspects of life.

Reconstruction

I’m still in the transitional state .. but with a bigger picture of what is possible and a greater sense of clarity and purpose.  What a huge blessing.  And what’s more, in appreciating the value of reading these different perspectives, I feel much more inspired to add my own.

 

Ever onwards.

 

x

 

 

I feel like my life is on hold .. like I’m holding my breath until everything changes.  This is a familiar feeling to me.  I’ve spent years in this state.  So I will explore it now while I live in this three week hiatus until my life begins anew.  Right now three weeks feels like a long time .. but I’m present to the need to keep on taking small steps toward my bigger vision despite the state of overwhelm and drowning in uncertainty that I seem to be in.

Three weeks is when a large amount of stuff that represents the attachments and histories of other people will be moved out of my house.  It represents a huge milestone in my transformation and in stepping into a life that is of my own choosing rather than one that adapts haphazardly to the paths of other people.  It took a certain amount of insanity and a determination to look at what I was not dealing with to see the impact of my determined neglect of my needs.  What that neglect afforded me was firstly, very little need to interact with others, which then became a need to NOT interact with others since I wasn’t good at lobbying for myself.

Turns out I do have needs .. and desires .. if I let myself be present to them.  Seems even like they may be my ticket for my reentering the earthly realm .. the world I left behind a long time ago.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this writing.  I guess I’m trying to understand why I do this to myself .. get myself into these spaces where I feel trapped and overwhelmed and feel a desperate need to flee to freedom.  It’s an ‘all or nothing’ tendency that no doubt serves me in some ways and harms me in others.  Bringing consciousness to it feels like a worthy thing.  I guess, in a way, the ‘trappedness’ – of feeling like I have to surrender to something bigger – allows me to let go and to focus on something else.  It forms a cosy cocoon of sorts for exploration.

My biggest experience of feeling trapped was living in Sydney, when Joey was aged around two until five, and the business I worked for and effectively became a part of, The Plan Shop, had become my agonising cage that kept me trapped in Sydney, in poverty, in a job I didn’t enjoy and didn’t feel good at, with lots of stress and not much fun.  It is from that experience that I am so present to the feeling of putting my life on hold right now .. “I’ll just hold my breath and it will all be better”.  I know I don’t breathe enough.  I need to start breathing more.

To be honest, and somewhat vulnerable, a big part of why I feel like my life is on hold with this stuff is because I have a belief that ‘I won’t be able to meet my new man’ until this stuff is gone.  And right now I’m tired of waiting.

I am almost swooning at the thought of the space that will be opened up .. which I expect to feel as a rush and surge of energy and inspiration, and an opening for love and light to get in.

Making progress

With three weeks until the big transformation, things are progressing apace.  My website is finally in safe harbour where it won’t suddenly die and leave me abandoned like happened recently.  I am tidying up various bits of technology.  I’m about to get some help with my website (so exciting!), I’m progressing with my big house decluttering (in fits and starts), the rings vision is moving closer to becoming real, my path is opening up and becoming clearer .. and life is evolving.  I feel like I’m starting to reach dry land after so many years of floating, and right now my feet are just starting to touch the bottom.

 

I’ll post this now and maybe add to it later.  I do have plans to create more generally inspiring posts, rather than me just sharing my journey and madness with the world .. but this is all part of the journey.

 

I have just come across a concept that explains my life’s journey so clearly that I am looking at the world from a new light.

The soul personality describes ‘roles’ that our soul has come to earth to express.  This concept has transformed the way some close family are seeing a particularly difficult situation.  My sister in law has come to see that she is a Warrior and my sister is an Artisan.  They have been in a  state of war that has led to a lot of pain and damage.  I am a Scholar.  This feels so clear.  It’s simply who I am.  I know I’m going to want to dive deep down this new rabbit hole, considering the clarity that it gives of what each person’s offering is.

In essence, there are 7 roles our souls take:

Priest, Artisan, Sage, Server, Scholar, King, Warrior

My role is: Scholar with an Artisan casting.  Which also to me says Enneagram type 5 with a 4 wing.  I love when things start to become clearer.  I can see our soul role influences our journey through life.

 

How this concept has impacted me

The very current realisation that seeing my ‘role’ as a scholar has given me, is to explain why I have such a problem with teaching aikido (or anything for that matter).  I’m challenged to form a single explanation for anything.  And I’m obsessed with learning, so even a slightly different perspective can spin me out of the teacher role and back into that of the student.  I am starting to see that for me to teach would involve choosing an avenue to explore and making that my focus.  So I feel a sort of validation for why aikido teaching is posing a stress for me, and also a new way of looking at training.  Essentially, I need to treat the training as a journey of deeper exploration .. which I have been attempting .. except I’ve felt a bit in over my head.

The soul’s purpose concept also helps reinforce the journey I’m on, and my ideas to study things and then share creations with the world.  As I do my massive house and life clear out, I am getting increasing clarity about what things light me up and how I want to live my life.  I had allowed myself to get weighed down, for a lifetime till now, with other people’s clutter .. their expectation, needs, opinions, demands, stuff.  And as I let all this go and bring myself back to the essence of who I am and what my simple needs and desires are, I am becoming more grounded in myself.

 

Dashing off

I am dashing off thoughts as they come to me, and hopeful that they don’t vanish into thin air like happened in my recent mega-data loss .. but I’m moving toward clarity and more ease in self expression.  Stepping out of my befuddled creator brain and into the conscious structuring of time to break me out of my spacey state and into the world of reality.

 

Ideas

I have so many ideas at the moment.  I was going to start to list them as part of evaluation what to put my attentions on.  Maybe tomorrow.

x

 

PS This website is great if you want to look deeper into soul essences:  www.personalityspirituality.net