Things seems to be speeding up .. but at enough of a rate that I can handle it. I’ve had a strange yet wonderful day. It’s 9.10pm and I haven’t even stopped to have breakfast .. though I stopped and had an apple and some cashews before my aikido class.
I’ve been wondering about this blog .. and who I’m talking to .. and in essence I figured I could just do what I do which is talk to myself, but do it in the public eye .. and if anyone wants to listen or contribute, they can. I’m making it all up as I go along anyway.
So .. some more thoughts I’ve had about Trump – his election and place in world politics turns it all into a bit of a circus .. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing. And another thought is that perhaps it’s better having overt racism that can be responded to, rather than covert racism. I think bringing things out into the open is an opportunity to deal with and transform them. You see .. I always try and look at the positives in any situation. It’s a skill I realise I’ve developed in response to my super positive mum .. who had an almost blind refusal to see the negative (which it seems sent me down a giant rabbit hole of confusion).
< sigh > I seem to be doing lots of releasing at the moment. At long last. I’m seeing .. with the help of others .. how my perspective on the world has been limited and limiting. Something I got present to today was how little I breathe .. how I almost cut off from life in that way. And for so long I’ve found ways to live with minimum effort or energy spent on food. And my pattern has been to withdraw from the world.
And what I’m seeing is a pattern developed in early childhood that I am carrying with me now. In essence this is a feeling that the world (which was my mum) demands too much of me and doesn’t understand me, and my response was to withdraw into my shell and do things on my own.
In a cosmic twist, the Ulysses butterfly, which I have just turned into 1000 tattoos as part of my Circles of Life launch, can no longer (presently) be seen in captivity in Australia. The day after my tattoos arrived, a friend saw a sign at the local butterfly house, saying:
“In recent months the entire captive population of Ulysses butterflies has collapsed. The hundreds of caterpillars being reared in North Queensland, on behalf of 3 major butterfly houses in Australia, have died. Efforts to re-establish a captive population by introducing ‘wild stock’, caught under Queensland government permit have also failed. The species seems to have disappeared from most accessible areas of its range.”
This message says to me that we can’t tame nature, we can’t control everything, and to try to do so destroys the very thing you love so much. I feel a sense of relief that the Ulysses can only fly free. What a poignant reminder.
Tomorrow, 11/11, is officially ‘launch day’ for the Shine Your Light course I’ve been part of. It’s now 10.36pm (I’m finally eating – vegie and tofu stif fry) .. and my next thing to do is to look at what I need to do for the launch. I might add that my delightfully spontaneous day is partly due to the fact that my son is away on a school camp today .. so I’ve had a day without parental responsibilities .. and more freedom than usual. And like yesterday I’ve had another day with lots of inspiring connection .. and again nine people .. my magic number ..
And maybe I shouldn’t say it but I will anyway .. one of the things I am in the process of coming to peace with is the fact I’ve landed myself in a slightly triggering situation having been thrown in as the teacher of a kids aikido class. On the one hand it feels like it is a sort of lesson from the Universe being handed to me on a platter. But it is also a situation I feel like I didn’t choose to be in and that I have to step up and accept. But I’ve been reminded that I have to be conscious not to reenact my childhood feeling of entrapment and lack of choice, and to CHOOSE to do it. I am still in the process of choosing. I am sure I will choose .. but I haven’t chosen yet.
And another realisation before I sign off for today .. related to my lifetime of avoiding people since having cut off from all needs and desires I didn’t need them. My experience was that people, especially needy or demanding people, represented a drain on my energy. And I’ve realised that I’ve had the same feelings in relation to reading fiction – seeing it as more of a drain on my time than thinking about the joy and pleasure it can bring.
Enough said. It’s time to sign off before I shift into ‘launch day’ :). Thank goodness for deadlines or things would drag on forever. Though I’m doing a very low key launch .. I’m not quite ready for anything bigger .. simply making these rings available is a big step in the journey.
I plan to make an OMG ring in response to yesterday’s election.
Anyway .. Ever onwards ..
.. I broke the wing of my first Ulysses ..